wild at heart.

"in the heart of every man is a desperate desire for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue."

"she was the sun of his universe, around which he orbited. a man needs a much bigger orbit than a woman. he needs a mission, a life purpose, and he needs to know his name. only then is he fit for a woman, for only then does he have something to invite her into" . . . "what does it mean when a man falls in love with a radiant face across the room? it may mean that he has some soul work to do. his soul is the issue. instead of pursuing the woman and trying to get her alone . . . he needs to go alone himself, perhaps to a mountain cabin, for three months, write poetry, canoe down a river, and dream." . . . "what i am saying is that the masculine journey always takes a man away from the woman, in order that he may come back to her with his question answered."

"where does a man go to learn . . . his true name, a name that can never be taken from him? that deep heart knowledge comes only through a process of initiation. you have to know where youve come from; you have to have faced a series of trials that test you; you have to have taken a journey; and you have to have faced your enemy."

"life is not a problem to be solved; it is an adventure to be lived."




so i finished reading wild at heart, soon to start captivating (hopefully). and i still feel lost, without direction. kind of. i dont really know how to explain it all.
i want to be wild at heart. i want to be able to fight an immense battle. i long for that kind of action that you can only get from a crazy adventure. and i think more than anything i want to save that beauty. but im scared.
im afraid.
im afraid that im not enough.
and you know what? im not.

the difference between giving it my all or giving up.

so ive been searching for a while now. im so close. its crazy.
im afraid to jump for it and take that leap of faith.
im afraid because i dont want to fail at what i decide to stand for.
right now its so easy to be a genuine person, when all i stand for is being genuine. honest. trustworthy. but when i decide to stand for God, thats a lot harder.
i cant. i WILL mess up. i am going to stumble and theres nothing anyone can do about it.
i cant. i cant because im not perfect. i cant because everyone falls short of the glory of God. does anyone follow? i'd have to stand for everything. love. mercy. grace. forgiveness. honesty. faithfulness. justice. etc.
theres so much. and theres just no way thats humanly possible.
i dont want to be a hypocrite. i dont want to show my way of life, mess that up, and appear a liar.
the last thing i want to be is a liar.