doubt it.

back to the idea of human stupidity.

i believe that it may not be possible to be 100% sure of God, or anything for that matter.

i believe there is still some shape, form, or fashion of doubt.

if we ever wholly believed in something like God, why would we ever forget what He has done for us and try to do things our own way?

the people of Israel would be miraculously saved by God from some terrible situation, and they would love Him and follow Him, then a few hundred years later His people would go stupid again.

we do that in our own lives. we trust His grace that saves us and we begin to live for Him, then we go and do something stupid like try to take back the reigns and be our boss with our own sovereignty.

people are stupid. people are forgetful. people are unreliable. people are doubtful.

done.

im through with relationships.
never again will i risk friendship(s) for something more.

in my life, from what ive seen and experienced, due to the human condition of stupidity, it is not worth it.

im done.

no words can express.

6 months. thats how long it took to turn everything ive ever known upside down.
ill save you the details and just say my family fell to pieces.
its all in ruins.
it happened so fast.
how did he win?
its still kinda surreal. that it even happened. to me.
but its not about me.
thats what he wants me to think. oh woo is me.
no.
im not here for me.
this world is not for my pleasure. or my suffering.
i dont give up.
the joy of the Lord is my strength.
it doesnt matter how dark the times get.
ive been through the fire to get where i am.
i will not easily be shaken.
i will not be budged.
i caught myself thinking earlier that i wish i was stronger.
i am strong. here and now. i am strong.

its time to cowboy up.