no turning back.

in John 6:60-71, the bible talks about a bunch of Jesus's disciples deserting him because his teaching is too hard to understand.
6:60 (NLT) says, "Many of his disciples said, "This is very hard to understand. How can anyone accept it?"
then from 6:61-65 Jesus blows their minds with more words like (6:63a), "The Spirit alone gives eternal life. Human effort accomplishes nothing."
in 6:66, "At this point many of his disciples turned away and deserted him."
6:67-69, "Then Jesus turned to the Twelve and asked, "Are you also going to leave?" Simon Peter replied, "Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words that give eternal life. We believe, and we know you are the Holy One of God."

This is where I am.

at times i just sit back and think about everything going on, and how i feel like theres nothing but difficulty ahead of me. then i selfishly wish that none of it were true. that all this God stuff wasnt real. because then if it wasnt true, then i wouldnt have to answer to anything and i could just control everything thats mine and do everything on my own. but i know in my heart and mind that God is God. i cant turn back now. if i did, i would never ever ever find joy in life knowing that i should be serving a Creator. my only hope at having joy in life is in God.