i need a hug.

so. im absolutely overwhelmed.

i understand that i should live a life in such a way that it cant be explained without God being the glue-factor. the thing that holds it all together and makes it all make sense. i should live a life that is dependent on God.

im afraid its to the point where i have NO CHOICE in the matter.

i cant pay for school. what i owe for this semester will break my existing savings. i will have nothing left. i dont have a job for this summer yet. and even with a job this summer, it wont be enough to pay for school. i need scholarships and loans if this is gunna get pulled off. then its gunna be that all over again the year after that. but then, after my fourth year, my academic scholarship runs out bc its only a four year award. then what am i supposed to do?? thats it. and thats if i can make it to that point with loans and working my butt off. and thats without emergencies. thats as long as i can keep a running vehicle, dont have any hospital visits, etc.

God, i cant do this. i dont want to have to leave the close friends i have at school. i dont want to have to leave the place that i realized that you even existed. God, i need a miracle. i need you to supply. my heart is so heavy with worries about my future. i dont know what my major needs to be. i dont know how im going to pay for school. im not ready. im still dependent on my parents for a cell phone and vehicle and insurance. i cant do that for myself. i understand that what supports me is temporary. it could fail at any moment. and i would be doomed. something has to change soon or time will make it collapse beneath me.

i want to be able to support more than just myself. but im not ready. i cant support myself. im almost twenty years old and i still cant live on my own.

God please. i dont even know what im asking for.

something. God. please. something.