no words can express.

6 months. thats how long it took to turn everything ive ever known upside down.
ill save you the details and just say my family fell to pieces.
its all in ruins.
it happened so fast.
how did he win?
its still kinda surreal. that it even happened. to me.
but its not about me.
thats what he wants me to think. oh woo is me.
no.
im not here for me.
this world is not for my pleasure. or my suffering.
i dont give up.
the joy of the Lord is my strength.
it doesnt matter how dark the times get.
ive been through the fire to get where i am.
i will not easily be shaken.
i will not be budged.
i caught myself thinking earlier that i wish i was stronger.
i am strong. here and now. i am strong.

its time to cowboy up.

restart.

i think people do not appreciate second chances until they are given one they do not deserve.

saintified.

heres a little bit of a cool train of thought i had a few weeks ago, that im finally sitting down to blog about.
imagine that you are God. shouldnt be that hard. we do that all the time.
now. you get to create the universe and everything in it. you get to design how everything works. EVERYTHING. do you know how youre gunna set up the physics of it all??
now, without stealing too much of God's ideas, think of how you would have everything work together. would there be gravity? how many states of matter would there be? what colors would there be? how would matter combine and multiply? would things grow?
there are so many ways that nature SCREAMS at us that God is real and that He is God. but since thats all we've ever known, i guess we just take it all for granted. i mean, think about gravity. where does it come from? oh ok. it comes from extremely large amounts of mass pulling on the matter of relatively tiny masses. ok. why? why does that happen? where does that power come from and why? how? what about states of matter? would you make a world the is made up of a combination of different matters? how would there matters move and interact with each other? what about color? think right now, and try to create in your mind an entirely brand new never before seen color. you cant. you would always be drawing form the colors that God lets you see. how would know if the colors that you see were the only colors there ever were? how would your universe sustain life? how would life thrive and grow? would you make cells that multiply? to replicate and make copies of themselves? what about birth? design your own birth process. good luck with that. thats a miracle, i dont care who you are. it doesnt matter if youre the smartest scientist that ever walked the earth that could explain away any kind of supernatural event, birth is a miracle and a mystery of God.
Romans 1:18-25
read it.
we are without excuse.
we are to worship the one and only true God.
we are fools to do otherwise.

endurance.

God is good. all the time.
but this is common sense to a young believer.
how about when the going gets tough?
Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that God causes all things to work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose."
well what does it mean "the good of those?"
i think a common misconception is that it means prosperity or good happenings for those of His.
well i think it means something else.
if you are a believer, what is good for you? is prosperity good? what about suffering for the glory of God? would that be good for you?
i feel that sometimes we, including me, forget that this life is not always going to be good and dandy. its going to get difficult. and i think that is something we need to get used to.
we must walk by faith.
faith that God is good. all the time.
i want to be able to forget everything that i have heard and have been taught about God and i want to learn who He is from the Creator Himself.

flake.

so. im kinda tired of having big plans and not following through with them.
bible studies at the beginning of the semester with hopes and expectations of taking on the campus. starting a revival. how about that?
im getting tired of routine and surface worship and facades.
i want real.
i want truth.
i want genuine.
i want to search.
i dont want to rely on this public group or that agenda to feed me. i want a group of fellowship that will meet out of common cause, not obligation.
common prayer.
common praise.
common worship.
common pains.
common hurts.
common healing.
common responsibility.

delirium.

this world is temporary. and is full of temporary things. nothing will last. with nothing you are born into this world. when you leave it, you wont be taking anything with you. so if nothing that is material really matters, and the only thing that counts is what you do with your life, then logically, you have a lot of options. the things that your hands work on, the things that you spend time on--those are things that matter to you. you CHOOSE those things. out of all the options of life you choose what matters to you. what you love. it IS a choice.

what do you love?

boo yah.

i think that true happiness is acquired when your destination and your journey are one in the same.