this world is temporary. and is full of temporary things. nothing will last. with nothing you are born into this world. when you leave it, you wont be taking anything with you. so if nothing that is material really matters, and the only thing that counts is what you do with your life, then logically, you have a lot of options. the things that your hands work on, the things that you spend time on--those are things that matter to you. you CHOOSE those things. out of all the options of life you choose what matters to you. what you love. it IS a choice.
what do you love?
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Thursday, June 3, 2010
boo yah.
i think that true happiness is acquired when your destination and your journey are one in the same.
Monday, May 3, 2010
congrats.
to ben and kate.
i only had this past school year to get to know these two people, but they were still able to leave an impact. they got married this past sunday, and im sad that i was not able to make it.
however, im sure that it was an absolutely stunningly beautiful wedding ceremony and i would like to wish them the best. and to wish them luck as they go to seminary school.
i pray that through their marriage people can look in from the outside and see how their marriage reflects the beauty of God's love and mercy on us. the relationship between God and his bride, the church. that through their relationship and actions towards each other, that people can see the light of Christ, how sacrificing to give life, and willingness to forgive, and selflessness to provide. God, let it be. let them glorify You.
i only had this past school year to get to know these two people, but they were still able to leave an impact. they got married this past sunday, and im sad that i was not able to make it.
however, im sure that it was an absolutely stunningly beautiful wedding ceremony and i would like to wish them the best. and to wish them luck as they go to seminary school.
i pray that through their marriage people can look in from the outside and see how their marriage reflects the beauty of God's love and mercy on us. the relationship between God and his bride, the church. that through their relationship and actions towards each other, that people can see the light of Christ, how sacrificing to give life, and willingness to forgive, and selflessness to provide. God, let it be. let them glorify You.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
empty handed.
i had a sweet little thought earlier today.
heard a song with lyrics that went something like, "God, i come to you with empty hands."
and i thought to myself...
i had NOTHING to offer to God. i came to God empty handed. nothing good to offer. just a bunch of mess ups and failures.
and daily i come to God with nothing in my hands to offer to God.
but before i let satan get the upper hand and beat me down like usual, i thought, hey, maybe thats how its supposed to be. because if i come to God with totally empty hands, that means that im holding on to... nothing. nothing to hold me back from holding completely on to Him.
God help me glorify You.
heard a song with lyrics that went something like, "God, i come to you with empty hands."
and i thought to myself...
i had NOTHING to offer to God. i came to God empty handed. nothing good to offer. just a bunch of mess ups and failures.
and daily i come to God with nothing in my hands to offer to God.
but before i let satan get the upper hand and beat me down like usual, i thought, hey, maybe thats how its supposed to be. because if i come to God with totally empty hands, that means that im holding on to... nothing. nothing to hold me back from holding completely on to Him.
God help me glorify You.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
i hate failure.
i hate it. absolutely hate it.
it kills me inside. it consumes me and makes me feel worthless.
thats what i am. worthless. unworthy. filthy. dirty. insignificant.
it makes me lose faith in myself.
it makes me lose other peoples trust.
it makes me lose other peoples faith in me.
it makes me lose other peoples respect for me. respect for myself.
it makes me lose the ability to be loved.
God, why do i have to fail?
why cant i do right the first time? or second?
but i keep failing.
im sick of it. SICK OF IT. it makes me sick. I HATE FAILURE.
i hate myself for failing.
why do i fail, God? i fail You. i fail the people i love.
why, God?
to humble me? no. more like to humiliate me.
"Humble yourself. You won't like the way God does it." - Beth Moore
if youre reading, please listen to this. humble yourself. please, im begging you.
i feel massive heartache. i almost dont want to be alive.
i thought it was good to be broken?
but why does something that should be have to hurt so much?
it kills me inside. it consumes me and makes me feel worthless.
thats what i am. worthless. unworthy. filthy. dirty. insignificant.
it makes me lose faith in myself.
it makes me lose other peoples trust.
it makes me lose other peoples faith in me.
it makes me lose other peoples respect for me. respect for myself.
it makes me lose the ability to be loved.
God, why do i have to fail?
why cant i do right the first time? or second?
but i keep failing.
im sick of it. SICK OF IT. it makes me sick. I HATE FAILURE.
i hate myself for failing.
why do i fail, God? i fail You. i fail the people i love.
why, God?
to humble me? no. more like to humiliate me.
"Humble yourself. You won't like the way God does it." - Beth Moore
if youre reading, please listen to this. humble yourself. please, im begging you.
i feel massive heartache. i almost dont want to be alive.
i thought it was good to be broken?
but why does something that should be have to hurt so much?
Thursday, March 18, 2010
i need a hug.
so. im absolutely overwhelmed.
i understand that i should live a life in such a way that it cant be explained without God being the glue-factor. the thing that holds it all together and makes it all make sense. i should live a life that is dependent on God.
im afraid its to the point where i have NO CHOICE in the matter.
i cant pay for school. what i owe for this semester will break my existing savings. i will have nothing left. i dont have a job for this summer yet. and even with a job this summer, it wont be enough to pay for school. i need scholarships and loans if this is gunna get pulled off. then its gunna be that all over again the year after that. but then, after my fourth year, my academic scholarship runs out bc its only a four year award. then what am i supposed to do?? thats it. and thats if i can make it to that point with loans and working my butt off. and thats without emergencies. thats as long as i can keep a running vehicle, dont have any hospital visits, etc.
God, i cant do this. i dont want to have to leave the close friends i have at school. i dont want to have to leave the place that i realized that you even existed. God, i need a miracle. i need you to supply. my heart is so heavy with worries about my future. i dont know what my major needs to be. i dont know how im going to pay for school. im not ready. im still dependent on my parents for a cell phone and vehicle and insurance. i cant do that for myself. i understand that what supports me is temporary. it could fail at any moment. and i would be doomed. something has to change soon or time will make it collapse beneath me.
i want to be able to support more than just myself. but im not ready. i cant support myself. im almost twenty years old and i still cant live on my own.
God please. i dont even know what im asking for.
something. God. please. something.
i understand that i should live a life in such a way that it cant be explained without God being the glue-factor. the thing that holds it all together and makes it all make sense. i should live a life that is dependent on God.
im afraid its to the point where i have NO CHOICE in the matter.
i cant pay for school. what i owe for this semester will break my existing savings. i will have nothing left. i dont have a job for this summer yet. and even with a job this summer, it wont be enough to pay for school. i need scholarships and loans if this is gunna get pulled off. then its gunna be that all over again the year after that. but then, after my fourth year, my academic scholarship runs out bc its only a four year award. then what am i supposed to do?? thats it. and thats if i can make it to that point with loans and working my butt off. and thats without emergencies. thats as long as i can keep a running vehicle, dont have any hospital visits, etc.
God, i cant do this. i dont want to have to leave the close friends i have at school. i dont want to have to leave the place that i realized that you even existed. God, i need a miracle. i need you to supply. my heart is so heavy with worries about my future. i dont know what my major needs to be. i dont know how im going to pay for school. im not ready. im still dependent on my parents for a cell phone and vehicle and insurance. i cant do that for myself. i understand that what supports me is temporary. it could fail at any moment. and i would be doomed. something has to change soon or time will make it collapse beneath me.
i want to be able to support more than just myself. but im not ready. i cant support myself. im almost twenty years old and i still cant live on my own.
God please. i dont even know what im asking for.
something. God. please. something.
Monday, March 8, 2010
no turning back.
in John 6:60-71, the bible talks about a bunch of Jesus's disciples deserting him because his teaching is too hard to understand.
6:60 (NLT) says, "Many of his disciples said, "This is very hard to understand. How can anyone accept it?"
then from 6:61-65 Jesus blows their minds with more words like (6:63a), "The Spirit alone gives eternal life. Human effort accomplishes nothing."
in 6:66, "At this point many of his disciples turned away and deserted him."
6:67-69, "Then Jesus turned to the Twelve and asked, "Are you also going to leave?" Simon Peter replied, "Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words that give eternal life. We believe, and we know you are the Holy One of God."
This is where I am.
at times i just sit back and think about everything going on, and how i feel like theres nothing but difficulty ahead of me. then i selfishly wish that none of it were true. that all this God stuff wasnt real. because then if it wasnt true, then i wouldnt have to answer to anything and i could just control everything thats mine and do everything on my own. but i know in my heart and mind that God is God. i cant turn back now. if i did, i would never ever ever find joy in life knowing that i should be serving a Creator. my only hope at having joy in life is in God.
6:60 (NLT) says, "Many of his disciples said, "This is very hard to understand. How can anyone accept it?"
then from 6:61-65 Jesus blows their minds with more words like (6:63a), "The Spirit alone gives eternal life. Human effort accomplishes nothing."
in 6:66, "At this point many of his disciples turned away and deserted him."
6:67-69, "Then Jesus turned to the Twelve and asked, "Are you also going to leave?" Simon Peter replied, "Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words that give eternal life. We believe, and we know you are the Holy One of God."
This is where I am.
at times i just sit back and think about everything going on, and how i feel like theres nothing but difficulty ahead of me. then i selfishly wish that none of it were true. that all this God stuff wasnt real. because then if it wasnt true, then i wouldnt have to answer to anything and i could just control everything thats mine and do everything on my own. but i know in my heart and mind that God is God. i cant turn back now. if i did, i would never ever ever find joy in life knowing that i should be serving a Creator. my only hope at having joy in life is in God.
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